the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize