So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Found the puke drawer
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
