I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
