nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
