Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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