rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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