is your mom at the bar?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
