Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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