i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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