Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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