i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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