I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
