i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
