My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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