you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
