if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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