Are we in a gay sports bar?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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