i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
