once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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