If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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