there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
