he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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