My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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