i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
