I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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