spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
