I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize