As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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