I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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