$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
