i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
