I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
