It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
