he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
