So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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