Screwed.edu
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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