the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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