my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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