i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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