I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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