Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
