At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
