eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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