So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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