Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
