He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
