so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
