YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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