ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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