just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
