his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
