and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
