I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I currently don't understand fingers.
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