I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
