he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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