check it out our google latitudes are spooning
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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