There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
