like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list