Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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