Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes

(847): View more from Illinois

And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.

(319): View more from Iowa

At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.

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(319): True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes (847): And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me. (319): At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements. http://tfl.nu/k3x0

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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou

Replies (15) Good night (4919) Bad night (1015)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this

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(908): i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this http://tfl.nu/3v1s

Replies (10) Good night (1254) Bad night (3749)
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(419): View more from Ohio

My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.

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(419): My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day. http://tfl.nu/rvy5

Replies (6) Good night (3591) Bad night (951)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

did u get his digits?

(201): View more from New Jersey

yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

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(570): did u get his digits? (201): yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone... http://tfl.nu/pvtx

Replies (8) Good night (5148) Bad night (1114)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"

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(507): You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!" http://tfl.nu/pues

Replies (7) Good night (3728) Bad night (961)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.

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(651): She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations. http://tfl.nu/80vt

Replies (8) Good night (3455) Bad night (848)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

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(918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk

Replies (7) Good night (3009) Bad night (802)
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(858): View more from California

Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.

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(858): Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/33hl

Replies (4) Good night (1862) Bad night (765)
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(213): View more from California

Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch

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(213): Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch http://tfl.nu/21eo

Replies (8) Good night (2401) Bad night (890)
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(815): View more from Illinois

im sober

(920): View more from Wisconsin

you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

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(815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58

Replies (3) Good night (2511) Bad night (669)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man

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(832): Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man http://tfl.nu/dtih

Replies (7) Good night (676) Bad night (1242)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

the liver wants what the liver wants

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(908): the liver wants what the liver wants http://tfl.nu/f32q

Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (301)
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(512): View more from Texas

The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.

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(512): The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount. http://tfl.nu/1v2k

Replies (1) Good night (758) Bad night (370)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up

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(610): I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up http://tfl.nu/42mm

Replies (0) Good night (587) Bad night (508)

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