I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning