What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?