Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

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  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (9273) Bad night (829)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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  (519): turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm. http://tfl.nu/078y
  Replies (22) Good night (1564) Bad night (3168)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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  (713): I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes http://tfl.nu/wjig
  Replies (41) Good night (5456) Bad night (1112)
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  (818): View more from California

  Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself

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  (818): Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself http://tfl.nu/kb63
  Replies (8) Good night (2795) Bad night (712)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.

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  (941): i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet. http://tfl.nu/jjy9
  Replies (13) Good night (3757) Bad night (1284)
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  (559): View more from California

  Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

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  (559): Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out. http://tfl.nu/isge
  Replies (7) Good night (2885) Bad night (950)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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  (302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3
  Replies (11) Good night (3853) Bad night (761)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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  (229): Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now. http://tfl.nu/61qu
  Replies (8) Good night (1365) Bad night (663)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.

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  (337): Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday. http://tfl.nu/gphh
  Replies (1) Good night (1073) Bad night (576)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.

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  (314): For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo. http://tfl.nu/n4q2
  Replies (4) Good night (1037) Bad night (384)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  is that what this stuff is?

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  (810): if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you. (616): is that what this stuff is? http://tfl.nu/just
  Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (496)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Where'd you go last night?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.

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  (512): Where'd you go last night? (512): Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hvgs
  Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (399)
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  (44): View more from United Kingdom

  You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.

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  (44): You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas. http://tfl.nu/b55v
  Replies (3) Good night (488) Bad night (232)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore

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  (214): I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore http://tfl.nu/ea8h
  Replies (7) Good night (767) Bad night (458)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.

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  (+44): They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota. http://tfl.nu/vw9g
  Replies (3) Good night (1047) Bad night (288)

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