I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.