the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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