She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
