I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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