yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
