dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
