kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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