plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
