Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
