i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
