i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
