her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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