cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize