Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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