mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
