i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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