I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
