Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We left the knife in your bed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
