oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
