Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
