when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
