Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
