He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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