Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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