SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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